Collective Node 04 // Rogers Ops

SCREW ROGERS

Disconnected by Design // Overcharged by Default

National Uplink
INTERMITTENT
Support Queue
4+ HOUR WAIT
Roaming Fees
EXTORTIONATE
Shareholder Joy
UNLIMITED

The Great Canadian Blackout Protocol

Rogers is the only network that can single-handedly take down the entire country's economy, banking systems, and emergency services while still sending you a bill for the full month. We call it "Total Connectivity"—mostly because when it fails, you are totally disconnected from reality. Whether it's the "Inter-Gateway Protocol" excuse or just general incompetence, Rogers ensures your digital life is always one update away from a 12-hour forced digital detox.

Customer Service Chronicles
"I tried to pay for coffee during the 2022 outage and realized Rogers controls my bank, my phone, and my will to live."
— Stranded in Toronto
"My 'Roam Like Home' bill was higher than my actual plane ticket to Europe. I didn't even take my phone out of airplane mode."
— Frequent Flyer
"Their virtual assistant 'Anna' is just a sophisticated way of telling me to restart my modem for the 50th time today."
— Frustrated Fiber User
"Ignite TV is great if you love watching the 'Loading...' circle more than the actual hockey game."
— Sports Fan
"I asked for a credit for a week-long outage. They gave me $2.14. I feel truly valued as a Platinum member."
— 15-Year Customer

Red Alert: The Roaming Trap

Rogers' "Roam Like Home" is a masterclass in creative accounting. Why pay local prices when you can pay $15 a day for the privilege of using the data you already pay for? It's the ultimate travel companion: expensive, unnecessary, and guaranteed to leave you with a headache when you return to Canadian soil.